The Apprentice: episode two

apprentice writing

Is it next week already? No, it’s just another episode of The Apprentice, two episodes in one week necessary because of the 20 candidates. There was the usual recap, in which Sarah reminded us that she’s thoroughly unpleasant and regards herself as a better Elle Macpherson. We’ll see, Sarah. We’ll see.

The task was all about flogging wearable technology (stuff that contains other stuff that does stuff, in case you’re wondering). Lordsugarsiralan made it crystal clear that he expected Robert to step up and be project manager. Robert made it equally plain that any task not involving 3ply cashmere and Roman Abramovich’s yacht was beneath him. Instead, belligerent Scot Scott (yes) took on the mantle of PM (no, no that PM) and set about making a complete sporran of the whole enterprise.

Meanwhile, the girls (now Team Tenacity, slogan “We may be crap, but we hang on in there”) set about bullying Nurun, a fashion retailer, into being project manager because they had no intention of doing so themselves. Nuran caved. The girls then proceeded to share the kind of insight Stella McCartney can only dream of; “All women are wearing jackets!” and decided they’d go with a jacket that lit up, charged your mobile phone and made flaky pastry.

The boys plumped for a sweatshirt that both lit up and contained a video camera. They missed a trick by not pitching this to the dogging market, but some people just can’t see an opportunity right in front of them. Or in some nearby woods.

The upshot was that the girls won, because their terrible idea was marginally less terrible than the boys’ terrible idea. Daniel foolishly referred to himself as a “selling machine” and then failed to sell anything. Robert protested he was made for selling luxury goods. Scott bleated “Ah’ve pit ma baws on the line fer this”.

As it turned out, Scott put his baws in the Taxi of Doom, having been fired, as had Robert, who went back to Sussex to consider the horrific possibility of earning a decent salary and driving a run-of-the-mill car.

Interestingly, when they got back to the house, Solomon received a huge cheer and everyone pretended to be pleased to see Daniel. It was also clear that Solly knows his online technology and might just be the kind of inventor-ish twonk Sugarsirlordalan likes, because they just might make him a lot of money. Also I’ve got him in the office sweepstake so I might be biased.

Next week’s task is making and selling scented candles. This cannot end well.


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