And so Judy Murray finally left Strictly Come Dancing. By Week Eight many of us had come to believe Judy was as permanent a fixture on the show as the judges’ desk, although admittedly more wooden. Her off Casualty, who was also in the dance off, had struck gold. “Give it your best shot and we’ll be fine,” her partner Brendan reassured her. She threw him a look of utter disdain which said: “Of COURSE we’ll be fine. It’s Judy.”
This week’s show came to us from Blackpool, something which was mentioned roughly four times per second in case anyone thought it was being beamed live from Black Creek, Arizona. There were plenty of references to sticks of rock and towers and it being one of the dullest places in Britain. Perhaps not that last bit. Tess, a very beautiful woman, managed as usual to make her expensive outfit look as though she’d bought it in a panic at 5.29pm in TK Maxx. She has the face and figure of a super model but the posture of a slightly pissed bloke standing at a urinal. Straighten up, Tess.
Anyway, the judges had clearly munched through their own body weight in candyfloss, as a sugar high was the only explanation for their erratic marking. Jake, who danced an American Smooth of breath-taking athleticism and grace, was robbed. Simon from Blue performed a tricky but unemotional Argentine Tango and was awarded three tens. Sort yourselves out, judges.
On results night, we were treated to Shirley Bassey, a woman who can sing whilst moving her mouth in eight separate directions, shrieking “Goldfinger”. The first note was a bum one, but she looked sensational and she’s super-old so I will forgive her. I will not, however, forgive the Dave Arch singers, who gave a rendition of Scissor Sisters’ I Don’t Feel Like Dancing so bad I put my fingers in my ears and try to type with my elbows.
Sunetra and Brendan danced their shambles of a samba again, with a bewildered Sunetra careering around the dance floor as though she’d downed 17 shots of Jägermeister at her own hen night and was one lager and black away from throwing up. Judy and Anton danced to “Let’s Go Fly A Kite”. Judy wore a lovely dress and seemed as unemotional to be leaving as she was to be taking part.
Sunetra needs to up her game, I think. She’s next.