I’m A Celebrity – Day Two


Gemma is an over-sharer. A dumper, you might say. After a trip to the jungle loo, she was keen to inform her camp mates of the details. “Arve bin to fe dunnay. Arm norreven jokin. Braght yeller. Ar fink arve got malayreea.”

Out of the Celebrity Slammer and in the other camp, ex-footballer Jimmy was making something of a meal of his impending trial.  Visualising himself as a triumphant winner, he revealed that he would adopt a “state of mind where I just go animal.”  Sporting the hairstyle of an ancient prairie woman, he was less mountain lion, more Grandma Walton, but who are we to quibble?

Sent under water and into a selection of tanks, each filled with a variety of creatures who didn’t seem overly happy to see him, Jimmy bobbed up and down frenetically, squawking like a chicken trapped in a flip-top bin. Having won four stars, he struggled to hide his disappointment at not being presented with a cup by Prince William, but redeemed himself by giving up the stars so that someone from the Slammer could be freed.

Vicki was the lucky escapee and went full-on Kate Winslet, stringing out her departure as though reincarnated as Frank Sinatra on his 44th farewell tour.  “To be honest, I thought she’d never leave,” confessed Craig.   Gemma ignored her departure and concentrated instead on sobbing that she wasn’t enjoying things.  “Eefin murdrars get free meals a day,” she grizzled.

Kendra gave details of her sojourn in the Playboy Mansion. “We had butlers, 24/7 service…” Nobody asked the question to which they all wanted to know the answer, to whit: “What does Hef look when he removes his silk dressing gown – a 350 year old tortoise?”

The next trail will be undertaken by Titchy. Sorry, Tinchy, whilst a night in the “Bush Bunker” awaits Gemma, Craig and the nice Irish girl.  Worth watching.





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