So farewell then, Gemma Collins. You suffered malaria (self-diagnosed), heinous pigtails (self-inflicted) and a panic attack in a stationary helicopter. You will be missed.
Due to watching The Apprentice, broadcast at the same time as I’m a Celebrity, I didn’t see all of tonight’s programme. Let’s assume someone had to eat something foul/be covered in snakes/pluck up the courage to ask Vicki Michelle who she is. Anyway, so what if I missed a bit? Tonight’s big story was Gemma.
“Ar feewell sar seek en panickee” she sobbed. Her camp mates rolled their eyes and whispered to each other that she was a drama queen. Possibly, but Gemma was also a philosopher, able to look deep into her soul and know who she truly was. “D’ya nar wot? Ar love massel too much to put massel frew viss.”
She decided she was leaving, but not before sharing her thoughts on her life-changing voyage of personal discovery (duration: three days). She would be who she’d always been meant to be. “What are you going to do that’s different then?” enquired Michael Buerk, unable to ignore his journalist’s instincts. “She’s got no talent, of course,” he added, although mercifully not to her face.
Kendra (who?) and Jimmy (ditto) were chosen to do the Terror Tavern trial tomorrow night. Hmmn. Terror, and tavern. Drinking puréed animal knackers seems likely.