The I’m A Celebrity gang suffered the loss of Gemma “Malaria” Collins and Craig Charles in one day. Craig left the jungle with our sympathies, Gemma left with our WTFs-you-drama-queen, pocketing £40k for doing nothing other than complaining about the colour of her poo (“brart yeller”).
Jimmy and Kendra – someone who played football, someone who slept with Hugh Hefner – did the trial everyone in the jungle dreads: the eating of animal genitalia. “Pray for us!” yelped Kendra, who declared herself enckshuss at what unpleasant member she would be putting in her mouth. At least one viewer felt she must have had plenty of practice in this area, although presumably the deer who had given up his penis in the worthy cause of entertaining the masses wasn’t wearing a silk dressing gown and ill-fitting toupée.
Jimmy, meanwhile, had to eat a sheep’s testicle. “It’s like a soss-aaaage!” shrieked Kendra in encouragement. Jimmy, sporting his habitual Grandma Walton grey bun hairstyle, disagreed. The testicle looked not dissimilar to the contents of a Greggs’ Christmas Bake. Ant and Dec chortled. Kendra declared herself traumatised. I will not be patronising Greggs during the Festive Season.
Mel Sykes and Michael Buerke spent the entire day on the Dingo Dollar Challenge. Struggling to answer a series of riddles, they argued, pretended to agree, struggled a bit more and kept going until dark. Finally they reached the end of their quest, although the answer to the final question,”What percentage of men do the housework?” being a pathetic five per cent, the only conclusion to draw was that men are lazy twats. DO YOUR SHARE, MEN!
Finally we got a glimpse of the bloody awful Edwina Currie and the nobody-else-would-say-yes Jake Somebody who was on X Factor for five minutes. The production team of I’m A Celebrity having the blown the budget on Gemma Collins, these two were the best they could come up with. A fiver says there’ll be a trial where Edwina has to eat fermented eggs.