Strictly Come Dancing – Week 9

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Hurrah! Claudia is back. I love Claudia, especially when she’s rocking a jumpsuit. The judges came on in their new “hey look at us, we used to dance!” segment, with Craig and Bruno trying too hard as usual. It’s a three from me, boys.

Equally irritating is Tess, who is getting more and more annoying with every episode, proving that the person who should have retired from the show was the script editor.  Tess’s *jokes* are as terrible as Brucie’s but her timing and delivery is marginally worse.  At least Bruce could blame it on being an old gibber. What can Tess blame it on – inhaling too much Elnett?

Steve and Ola kicked off the show with a jive. It involved Ola doing a lot of bouncing and Steve not doing a lot of bouncing. It just wasn’t his dance (I have all the jargon, folks), but he seems like a very jolly chap and I like him, so bite me.

The Ken and Barbie of ballroom, Trent and Pixie, do a lot of smiling, the kind that never reaches the eyes. The teeny plastic twosome trotted off to Edinburgh to an awards ceremony which featured a lot of Pixie singing and clutching small children who were made to say “vote for Pixie” into the camera.  There was no reason for any of it other than to underline Pixie’s pop starlet credentials,  Her Charleston was fantastic though. “You could not add more if you could,” arched Bruno, his vocabulary limp with admiration. The dollies looked displeased not to receive full marks.

Mark Wright danced a strong, sexy, testosterone-fuelled tango. Michelle Keegan looked stony-faced until she realised the camera was on her. Mark’s is perhaps on not so much a short leash as a choke chain.

Sunetra (her off Casualty) was worried about being in last week’s dance off.  Since pretty much everyone except Steve is a better dancer than her, she had to pull out the big guns.  The accepted X Factor route of garnering votes via a dead relative “I’m doing this for my Nan” (sob) not being open to her, she chose the next rung on the desperation ladder and announced the only reason she was on Strictly was because her young son asked her to do it. I find this hard to believe, given that my children never encouraged me to do anything other than not embarrass them.

Suddenly Katie Price popped up on Twitter, with her usual erudite and beautifully constructed sentences.

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Who was she tweeting about? My money’s on Len.

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