Anyone remember Carole Thatcher in the jungle? She didn’t care for night visits to the dunny. Instead she squatted down next to her bed and did what an ex-prime minister’s daughter’s gotta do. Yes I know: eeeeeuuw. Unlike Carole however, who when warned that “somebody” had been urinating in the camp, looked accusingly at everybody else whilst simultaneously kicking earth over the dark pool spreading rapidly around her feet, Jake owned up as the phantom pisser immediately. There’s a lesson to be learned here, although I haven’t yet worked out what it is.
As usual, Kendra did the trial. She had to find the stars in various cupboards in a house suspended in mid-air. Various creatures were in the various cupboards. Kendra was, also as usual, fairly vocal about the process. “Argh! Whoa! Eeeeeaaack! Ohmigadohmigadohmigad! BLARK! BLARK! BLARK!” She got all 10 stars. Stop voting for her now, eh?
Kendra went back into camp and pretended that she’d failed. Mel sussed her immediately but was too nice to call her out on it. “Evil is my middle nayam,” Kendra declared smugly in the Bush Telegraph. This disabused any puzzled viewer that Evil was her nickname for what lurks underneath Hugh Hefner’s dressing gown, but otherwise was something of a misnomer.
Now that Jake has given up his career as a sex pest, he is turning out to be a rather charming chap, singing “Mysterious Girl” (a crime in anyone’s book) notwithstanding. His camp mates told him he was a rubbish singer. He agreed, saying that since he only lasted “five minutes” on X Factor he must be. What a sweetheart.
Even more disturbing than a Peter Andre tribute act was Tinchy teaching Michael Buerk how to rap. “I’m Michael and I’m real cool.” Nadia spotted that the cameras were on the rap duo and shamelessly sprinted over to join them on the jungle sofa. Poor form, Nadia.
The camp divided up into male vs. female teams for a series of challenges, the winning team gaining immunity from the first eviction vote. The trial involved getting covered in slime and having cockroaches crawl all over you. Kendra coped with the slime but wasn’t keen on the cockroaches. “AAAAAAAAAR! In my PANTS! IN MY ASS!” I’m saying nothing, folks. It’s too easy. Jake won the task for the boys. Edwina and Kendra were voted to do the next trial.
I’m starting to rather like Kendra. I don’t even know who I am anymore.