I’m A Celebrity – Day 18


Nadia has gone.  This means Jake need only press his attentions on two, rather than three, camp mates. Kendra (OHMIGAD) and Mel (EYUP) in other words.  Mel asked him not to flirt with her as she gets embarrassed. Kendra took it as her right.  In Kendra-Land, EVERYONE, hell, EVERYTHING, fancies Kendra.  Animal, vegetable, mineral. They all lust after Kendra.

Fogs was determined to do the trial, entitled Balderdash.  Stars, water, wires, critters, boulders (Boulder-dash, geddit?) being fired at him, etc. It required speed and strength and Foggy was superb. Obviously, he got all the stars.  “Mate, that was hard,” he admitted.  “It was the most satisfying thing I’ve ever done,” he added. This from a man who has won the World Superbike Championship. Four times.

Michael, now looking so thin that even Ant remarked “I’ve seen more meat on a butcher’s apron” was put in charge of the camp.  I think. I missed a bit due to watching The Apprentice.  The camp mates had to make Christmas paper chains.  Michael and Mel, as managers, were given shirts and ties to wear and sat themselves comfily on the sofa, the better to watch those on the factory floor toil.  ‘Twas ever thus. I’m not going to lie; it was a bit boring.  They bickered. They stuck bits of paper together. Yawn.

The Treasure Chest question was what percentage of Brits have had sex in the workplace.  Edwina, being an expert on the subject, insisted she was right by choosing 22 per cent.  Kendra nailed Edwina in a sentence.  “I feel Edwina isn’t open to debate.” Edwina however was right. Damn it.

There was a lot of shizz about doing work in the camp, with Michael all for firing Kendra, “I find her insubordinate” and full of praise for Tinchy, “Tinch has done loads of washing.”  I don’t want to suggest Michael is biased, but Michael is biased. Tinchy won the accolade of Best Employee. See?

Dinner was a wallaby’s arse. The camp mates were delighted. Meat! “Whoo hoo!” shrieked Kendra.  Mel wasn’t happy that nobody wanted to take her culinary advice, and sulked.  Jake tried to smooth things over.  When Jake isn’t being a sex pest, he’s a really lovely bloke.  Dial down the letching and you’re in with a chance of winning, mate.

There was an employee review, followed by an office Christmas party.  Fairy lights. Booze. Cashew nuts. Terrible singing. We’ve all been there. Well, not ME. I’m a model of sobriety on such occasions, as my work colleagues will attest. Ahem.

Anyway, moving on, Michael was voted out.  Having tipped him to win only this morning on StrayFM, this proves I know absolutely nothing. Soz.










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