I never imagined I’d say this about my favourite reality TV programme, but Tinchy doing a trial was one of the most boring things on television, ever. And I’ve watched Eldorado. To think you lot voted out Michael Buerk and kept this ocean-going snorefest on my telly instead. You should all have a word with yourselves.
Edwina was feeling bored and horny and so flirted heavily with Jake. Foggy looked on, appalled, the expression on his face not dissimilar the one he pulled when gagging on a pint of deer’s blood a couple of days earlier. But Jake was incredibly sweet with Eds and flirted back, gently.
Much better was the Dingo Dollars trial with Jake and Fogs, dressed as bumble bees, getting covered in slime and receiving electric shocks whilst having to solve riddles. The only element they struggled with was the spelling. “Good thing was, I kept my dignity,” said Jake, his tongue lodged firmly in his cheek. I’d say he could win this thing but given the fact that I said the same thing about Michael Buerk and he was voted out 24 hours later, I’m keeping schtum.
The lads chose Kendra and Vicki’s letters from their families back home over choc ices for the whole camp. Sob. Kendra then shared memories of her days as a stripper. “When I was 18 I got my stripping licence.” You have to have a licence? “There was cash EVERYWHERE. I made about $500,000 in six months.” On hearing about this stupendous sum, Edwina looked thoughtful.
There was the usual bickering about cooking, easy to forgive because they’re all so hungry and running low on energy, no-one more so than Mel. Mel looks gaunt. I hope she has a couple of Greggs’ Festive Bakes on getting out of the jungle. I wish I hadn’t written that. I want one now.
Anyway, putting aside the inexplicably delicious baked good that is Christmas-Dinner-Wrapped-In-Pastry, Vicki was voted out. she did well in her jungle sojourn, and I hope she gets more out of it than a panto in Woking next Christmas.