The Apprentice – preview

WARNING: Embargoed for publication until 00:01:00 on 27/09/2016 - Programme Name: The Apprentice S13 2016 - TX: n/a - Episode: n/a (No. n/a) - Picture Shows: * Strictly embargoed to 00.01 hrs Tuesday 27th September 2016 * (L-R) JD O’Brien, Natalie Hughes, Michelle Niziol, Karthik Nagesan, Mukai Noiri, Courtney Wood, Sofiane Khelfa, Frances Bishop, Alana Spencer, Samuel Boateng, Dillon St Paul, Oliver Nohl-Oser, Trishna Thakrar, Jessica Cunningham, Rebecca Jeffery, Paul Sul - (C) Boundless - Photographer: -

Apparently the first task involves testing the candidates’ negotiation and selling skills. As always, they’ve a shaky grasp of grammar and an inability to know when they’re talking bollocks.  Take a look at this year’s numpties:

1

The Tasmanian devil occasionally stirred up a tornado.  Not a torpedo. JEEZ.

 

2

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

3

Not a sentence, mate.

 

4

Because I’m worth it.

 

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You play IN the team.

 

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Close the door on your way out, love.

 

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Except in order to win something, there has to be an element of competition.

 

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“I’m short, so I’m, er, a pocket rocket! Aaaaaaaaand….. I’m fiery! (GEDDIT!) And I, er, nope, I can’t stretch this metaphor any further, soz.”

 

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Likely to volunteer to be project manager in the first task, and also first to climb into the Taxi of Doom.

 

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Hey, it worked for Frida Kahlo.

 

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D’you want some wax for that cross?

 

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Don’t look like him, pal.

 

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And what do hustlers, walking the mean streets of Glasgow want?  That’s right. THEIR OWN HAIR SALON.

 

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“And mummy says I’m the best at tying my own shoelaces.”

 

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“And I am absolutely not whingeing when I say that people foolishly mistake my enthusiasm for silliness or positivity for naivety.  I’m not, I’m not, I’m not.  Stop being mean. IT’S NOT FAIR.”

 

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“I’ve even adapted to getting to the age of 32 and not rising any higher up the corporate ladder than sales exec.  Go me!”

 

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And nothing conveys the inalienable aura of strength quite like a bow tie.

 

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“I’m better than Samuel at tying my own shoe laces, so THERE.”

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