The Apprentice – preview

WARNING: Embargoed for publication until 00:01:00 on 27/09/2016 - Programme Name: The Apprentice S13 2016 - TX: n/a - Episode: n/a (No. n/a) - Picture Shows: * Strictly embargoed to 00.01 hrs Tuesday 27th September 2016 * (L-R) JD O’Brien, Natalie Hughes, Michelle Niziol, Karthik Nagesan, Mukai Noiri, Courtney Wood, Sofiane Khelfa, Frances Bishop, Alana Spencer, Samuel Boateng, Dillon St Paul, Oliver Nohl-Oser, Trishna Thakrar, Jessica Cunningham, Rebecca Jeffery, Paul Sul - (C) Boundless - Photographer: -

Apparently the first task involves testing the candidates’ negotiation and selling skills. As always, they’ve a shaky grasp of grammar and an inability to know when they’re talking bollocks.  Take a look at this year’s numpties:


The Tasmanian devil occasionally stirred up a tornado.  Not a torpedo. JEEZ.






Not a sentence, mate.



Because I’m worth it.



You play IN the team.



Close the door on your way out, love.



Except in order to win something, there has to be an element of competition.



“I’m short, so I’m, er, a pocket rocket! Aaaaaaaaand….. I’m fiery! (GEDDIT!) And I, er, nope, I can’t stretch this metaphor any further, soz.”



Likely to volunteer to be project manager in the first task, and also first to climb into the Taxi of Doom.



Hey, it worked for Frida Kahlo.



D’you want some wax for that cross?



Don’t look like him, pal.



And what do hustlers, walking the mean streets of Glasgow want?  That’s right. THEIR OWN HAIR SALON.



“And mummy says I’m the best at tying my own shoelaces.”



“And I am absolutely not whingeing when I say that people foolishly mistake my enthusiasm for silliness or positivity for naivety.  I’m not, I’m not, I’m not.  Stop being mean. IT’S NOT FAIR.”



“I’ve even adapted to getting to the age of 32 and not rising any higher up the corporate ladder than sales exec.  Go me!”



And nothing conveys the inalienable aura of strength quite like a bow tie.



“I’m better than Samuel at tying my own shoe laces, so THERE.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s